so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why do cheetos always look like penises
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
