I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
