I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
