I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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