had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
