it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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