Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
