you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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