ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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