It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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