In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
