the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
