Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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