If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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