I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
