Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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