ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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