The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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