Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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