I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it's like iHOP with fire
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
