i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
