I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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