All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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