Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
