fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
