I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
