i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
