Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
