How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
