420 ftw
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
