If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
