I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
