He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
