i permit you to call me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
