dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
