I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
