So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
