How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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