i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
