I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im six kinds of drunk right now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
