All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
