If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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