we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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