Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
