When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
