ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
