im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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