i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pants are for mortals
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