i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
