There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
